NPH.
Posted by Michael in General Information on June 14, 2010
The dance in the end kills me. Pure gold.
WWDC ’10 Scorecard
It’s about 20 minutes away, so here are my last-minute “predictions.”
Confirmed:
iPhone HD iPhone 4
AppleTV using iPhone OS
“New Features” in OS4 not present in beta
Safari 5 with extension support
OS X 10.6.4
Rumored:
MobileMe Free/Premium
OS X 10.7 Announcement
iTunes Streaming
Wild Speculation, all with equal likelihood of being true:
Cures cancer
Beatles on iTunes Store
iPhone on Verizon
I could probably go into more detail, but I don’t want to.
Update: The rumor mill really sucked this year.
15 Reasons Not To Buy An Android
With the new 4th Generation iPhone coming out soon (also known as the iPhone 4G-HD-DS 2000 Ultimate Edition), there has never been a better time to post inane garbage on the internet as to why you should avoid it like a plague-ridden whore. Since we here at True Internet Facts like our whores plague-free, and we only post the truest of True Internet Facts, we felt it was our duty to tell you why you shouldn’t buy an Android, either. So, since you like facts, in very specific order here’s 15 of the little bastards.
Number 8:
You can only buy them in the color pink. HOT pink. With little butterfly decals that don’t come off. EVER. I mean, seriously. I wanted fuchsia.
Number 97:
The camera only takes pictures at night, and is solar powered. During the day it still takes pictures, but who wants to see the stupid pictures you took with your cell phone?
Number Q:
The android in the Android logo cannot supply a valid birth certificate, and as such, should not be allowed to be a corporate mascot.
Subparagraph 2:
It doesn’t connect to the real internet; it connects to a lesser internet ran by a conglomeration headed by Walmart, AOL, and BP.
6:
They’re free at the local free clinic, but only if you’ve got gonorrhea. So, win-lose. At least you come away with gonorrhea.
Agent 007:
Shit, I forgot to put my Netflix in the mailbox today.
12 Fluid Ounces:
The Android produces clean water emissions, which then trip the water sensors and void the warranty.
Number 3/5:
The Android’s touch screen only picks up touches if your skin is white.
Number 97 Second Edition:
The Android automatically posts every stupid thing you say on Facebook.
Amendment Zero:
The batteries are so bad that they’re actually making the sun burn out faster.
Two-hundred-sixty-three:
The SIM card has very sharp edges and may cause people to commit suicide.
Lucky #13:
It’s responsible for the Star Wars Prequels.
666 The Number of the Beast:
When exposed to bright lights, it produces dangerous levels of concentrated High Fructose Corn Syrup.
12:00PM:
It steals your megahertz.
π:
Syncing not available on Commodore 64 computers.
True Internet Fact #3.1.3
Monkeys throw their feces because they like the smell it leaves under their fingernails.
You know the one I’m talking about.
App of the Week
Each week I bring you my picks for the best new iPhone app I’ve discovered in the past week. This week, I take a look at scvngr and Geocaching.
Free App:
scvngr – “A game about doing challenges at places.”
Initially, I assumed scvnger (pronounced: “Scurvy Avenger”) was going to be like loopt, whrrl, or foursquare, in that it revolved around ‘checking in’ places and hoping that your friends bother to ‘check in’ as well, so you can all meet up for a burrito or to kill a hobo. While this is a part of the app’s functionality, the real meat is that it shows you nearby locations and lets you do challenges such as “pretend to be an astronaut,” “throw a baseball,” or “murder a hobo using only a burrito” at specific places, and then give nearby onlookers scurvy or something.
It’s a neat idea, and can be a lot of fun if you have friends who like to do things beyond watching movies and grabbing dinner when you go out. If not, then you’ll probably feel like a complete moron for trying to mimic a mannequin while people stare at you for being such a freak.
But, hey, it’s free, and if you’re looking for cheap entertainment, it’s worth a shot.
—
Paid App:
Geocaching
Price: $9.99
Geocaching is a hobby that’s been around for about 10 years, which started with the advent of highly accurate GPS receivers. The idea is that you (or whoever) hides a container of some kind at a specific location, hidden from the average person, post its GPS coordinates on the Geocaching website, and then search for caches left by other people. The caches may be as small and simple as a log for people to sign, to something big enough to hold a variety of tchotchkes and miscellany that people trade or move from cache to cache. It’s honestly a lot more fun that I make it sound.
In the past, you would go to the Geocaching website and load up your GPSr with a bunch of coordinates to caches you want to find, then go out and look for them. The iPhone app, however, will get your current location and then display all nearby caches. The iPhone GPSr is accurate enough that I’ve found about 30 caches using nothing but it and this app, and have only missed 3 so far. It’s NOT accurate enough, however, to use for actual cache hiding, as it may be as much as 50-65 yards off (or more, depending on reception). You can post new caches from the app, though, so if you have a better, dedicated GPSr (I have an old Garmin GPS72 that still does the trick), you can input the coordinates from it.
It’s far from perfect; once you’ve found and logged a cache, you can’t view it again within the app, and the handling of travel bugs and trackable items leaves a lot to be desired. But, if you’re into Geocaching and you own an iPhone, it’s absolutely worth the $10 to be able to do everything from a single device in your pocket.
If you have a suggestion for an App of the Week, email me at tremorx@me.com.
True Internet Fact #1139B-Sigma
Iron Man is unquestionably the greatest superhero of all time. Iron Woman is a command that should be immediately obeyed without question.
Tony the Fish
Posted by Michael in General Information on May 25, 2010
“If you open your mind too much, your brain will fall out.”
Flash: It’s Like Poison for Smartphones!
“Flash For Smartphones Is Finally Here, And It Is Terrible.”
In the apparent race to screw customers over as hard as possible, Google has shoved Flash up the collective bums of Nexus One owners by including a beta version of Adobe’s malignant web-cancer “Flash” in the latest update.
At the Google IO conference, Google claimed that their browser was the fastest mobile browser available. However, once you enable Flash, it becomes one of the slowest on the market.
Trying to run Flash on a smartphone is going to be an exercise in frustration and futility, and in a few months I suspect a lot of people will begrudgingly admit that Steve Jobs was probably right. Flash websites are the most closed, proprietary, user-unfriendly piles of garbage on the web, and not having to load them should be viewed as a selling point and not a shortcoming.
Here’s a speedtest from someone who is really trying to make the Android look better than the iPhone and HTC, and even they can’t pull it off. Watch how it stutters and shits itself while trying to scroll. Look as he loads Kindle and the site immediately assaults you with an annoying video. What you sadly can’t see is how fast it’s draining the battery, or the hole the CPU’s probably burning underneath the phone.
The End
It’s all over. In the end, the alternate reality was actually some kind of purgatory, meaning Desmond was slipping between life and death and not through time… I don’t know. On one hand, I really liked it, but on the other it really felt like kind of a cop-out. I’ll need to watch the entire series again before I can really draw a final conclusion
LOST.